Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
