my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
