dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
