Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
