And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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