He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
