i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
