I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
