What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
