The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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