I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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