Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
