so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
