I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
