Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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