This is not my ceiling
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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