i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
