I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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