There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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