You can't motorboat a personality
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Everyone says I win the strip club
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
