Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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