So drunk its hurt
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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