"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She said her name was "party"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
