I'm jealous of your bromance
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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