No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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