i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
