my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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