nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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