Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
