WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
