I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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