I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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