operation have a gay friend backfired
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
