I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
