he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
