Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my being single is dangerous.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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