The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
