Where is the hickey?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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