i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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