i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize