Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
