I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
