i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
