So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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