Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
