I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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