1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
