Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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