***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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