So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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