Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She's JV to your varsity
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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