how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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