giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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