i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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