I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
