This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
