So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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