Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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