One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
