I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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