Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
