if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
