Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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