It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
