You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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