The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
