i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
